Faith & Failure

 

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Faith & Failure

As a mother of a child who has same sex attraction, not a day goes by that I do not review my litany of regrets. What I should have done or what I should not have done, to be followed by the wish list, I wish I had, or wish he had, or we had and so it goes on and on. Driving me deeper and deeper into misery and despair.

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Yesterday, at mass in his homily, I felt as if the priest spoke to me when he addressed that very Christian concept of the “happy fault”. The early Church Fathers called Adam’s fall ‘the happy fault’, for without it there would be no need for redemption. Therefore, without Adam’s fall there would be no Christ. The priest went onto say that Jesus expects us to fail. He pointed to Peter who failed not once, but thrice in his denial of knowing Christ. Then Jesus forgives Peter for all three of his denials, his failings when Jesus calls upon Peter to “feed his sheep”. Jesus not only forgives but invites Peter to take up his role of leadership in Christ’s Church. Peter’s failing shows Jesus who through his mercy not only forgives but strengthens Peter’s faith.

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Indeed, Jesus calls us not because we are always right and good, but because we are fallen and have made mistakes. I am a good mother who has made mistakes. Like Peter who made mistakes, I need forgiveness. The sacrament of reconciliation has been a great comfort to me, a mother who has made mistakes, yes a sinner. But, I am also a mother who loves her child and remains faithful to Christ’s teachings, a mother who prays for her child.

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As the priest said, Jesus will pick up those who have fallen and ask who like Peter have asked for forgiveness. Failure tests our faith. Jesus will pick us up but we must have faith strong enough to trust that Jesus will help us. We need to work daily to strengthen our faith and trust in Christ.

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Short Prayer

Dear Jesus please forgive my past regrets, pick me up when I fail and fall, and while you are here with me please listen to my plea for my child. Amen.

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